Strange Little Collecting Project

*****A few facts might be harmed throughout the course of this essay. I will honor these facts in my heart always and know that they made a sacrifice for the greater good. They fought valiantly for their fact brothers and sisters. I hope you will join them and me in this fight as well.***** If I were a piece of factual information, the Internet would terrify me. I would lie awake in the middle of the night, worried, whittling away at my little information brain in a hot panic, kicking off the sheets, and tossing and turning for hours. The Internet would shake my factual core at its foundation in the same way natural disasters, terrorism, over-population, global warming, chemical warfare, nuclear weapons, Sarah Palin, the Friday song, and meteorites terrify my human soul when I think about them. Just as these things challenge the successful existence (and sometimes the validity) of the human race, the Internet seems to be threatening the beloved species of factual information. Did yo...

Considering my mild case of agoraphobia and my irrational fear of inconveniencing others, I'm not the most reliable source when it comes to common courtesy. My idea of common courtesy probably seems like insanity or obsessive compulsive disorder to other people, and there is a little bit of truth to that. But despite my neurosis, there are still some things that people do in public places that drive me a little bit crazy(er than usual). I don't know if it's the added stress from the economic cluster-cuss we're facing, but I'm worried that if I don't get some of this off my chest, I'm going to hit a stranger...in public...soon. (Well, probably not. I'll probably just glare at them...or think about glaring at them). Either way, as technology increases our ability to be a one-(wo)man show, common courtesy is starting to take a back-seat to instant gratification. ***Please don't be offended by my accusatory use of the 2nd person pronoun "you," ...

I’ve been considering the possibility of a roommate. Lately, my money situation feels like one of those simulations that you do in a college economics or sociology class. You know the ones where the professor distributes the wealth unevenly by handing out envelopes holding different financial scenarios and some people end up raking in 12,000 dollars a month and other people are stuck with 500. Using your assigned means, you have to find a living situation, transportation, food, etc that your salary supports. I’ve got the envelope where the means are enough to basically break even while living in a modest apartment, eating lots of pasta, and shopping at thrift stores. But you sit back and watch people from other envelopes taking trips to the South of France, going to concerts, buying shoes that have never been worn before, and drinking alcoholic beverages that didn’t come out of cans. I want to get a roommate so my envelope isn’t completely thrown out of whack if I’m handed a chance car...

It’s been a bad week to be the First Amendment. This week, legality won a huge victory over humanity in the name of free speech. In an 8-1 vote (Alito was the only dissenter) the Supreme Court deemed the Westboro Church’s military funeral protests constitutional because of the First Amendment. Considering my love affair with language, it makes sense that the First Amendment has always been my favorite amendment. But my interests aren’t solely linguistic. I love the First Amendment because it’s the most idealistic amendment. It gives us the right to speak our minds, to discuss our government and its leaders critically, loudly, and passionately without fear. The First Amendment gives us the power to use our own discretion when it comes to our speech; it seems to assume that when left to our own devices, people will usually make intelligent and judicious decisions with language. I’m sure that other amendments (especially the Second Amendment) make fun of Number One because of his idealism...