Toffee Mocha with Soy, No Whip or Tampax

Tonight at the coffee shop, I was digging through my purse trying to find my Burt’s Bees lip-stuff because my lips aren’t very fond of this seasonally appropriate weather. My sense of nostalgia and my love of snuggling are, but my lips, not so much. I was waiting for the sweetest and oldest lady in a fifteen mile radius to count out two dollars in what appeared to be a mixture of nickels and buttons, her cataracts apparently making them look identical. I started to get a little panicky because my Burt’s Bees was no where to be found and my lips had reached that level of chapped where they felt like they were a completely separate entity from the rest of my body. It was a do or die situation and when my hands closed around the familiar shape of my chapstick, I could feel my heart-rate decrease and my body temperature restore itself to normal. I couldn’t wait to feel the tingly relief of Burt’s Bees. It was so close, I could almost taste it…

Only, the lid wouldn’t come off.

When I looked down to see what was wrong, I actually shrieked just a little, drawing attention from the oldest, sweetest woman and the barista with the patience of Stedman. I was holding a compact tampon, that had come unwrapped in my purse, just a few inches away from my mouth. So, to the unsuspecting barista and the oldest woman alive, it looked like I was trying to eat a tampon. (Well, maybe not to Betty White’s grandmother, because the last time she saw a feminine product, they were probably made out of a creative combination of papyrus, newspapers, and leather belts).

I tried to explain myself, but realized that nothing would work. Even if I explained that I thought the tampon was chapstick in the bottom of my purse, the fact that I have an unwrapped, unused tampon in my purse is still a little problematic (and a lot disgusting) to say the least. I just threw the tampon in the trash and tried to pretend like it didn't happen. I mean, hey! That worked for Lindsay Lohan when that cop "accidentally" threw away her cocaine. Contaminated evidence...it was like it never even happened...

Not really any lessons learned from this. Just reiterated the fact that I really need to clean out my purse more often...and that my life is embarrassing.