Dear Tall People that Frequent Live Music Events without Stadium Seating,
Please do me a favor. (Who am I you might ask? I am a stranger, but I typically get along with most people that I meet. So there’s probably a 66% chance (at least) that if we knew each other, we would have mutual respect and benevolent feelings towards one another. So go ahead and do this favor for me. Consider it a down-payment on our friendship).
Turn around and look down. Is there anyone standing immediately behind you that is at least 8-12 inches shorter than you are? If the answer to this question is yes, please be willing to admit to yourself that you are severely hampering this person’s ability to enjoy the concert that is happening a few feet in front of your face. You know, your face that sits squarely on your shoulders a good six feet above the ground? It would be oh-so-kind of you to ask this smaller statured person, and his/her smaller statured friends if they would like to stand in front of you since they literally cannot see anything over your awkwardly tall frame.
(this was my illuminating view from the last concert I went to. The Flaming Lips (known for their visually stimulating performances) at the Raleigh Hopscotch Music Festival)
I know my tall-friend (TBD based on the decisions you make in the near future), you paid for a ticket just like anybody else. I know sir or ma’am with the higher center of gravity that we live in a free country and you can stand wherever you want. But I paid for a ticket too, and I literally can’t see anything but the back of your strategically weathered and obnoxiously clever shirt that you either spent 25 cents or 250 dollars for. And I also cannot hear the band over your cologne.
I’m sorry what? Did you just tell me this band was going to be doing a special performance in The Shire next week and that I should just wait to see it with the rest of the hobbits? I’m pretty sure that’s what you said, but again, I can’t be sure because your cologne is very loud. I wouldn't imagine you'd say that because after all, the odds are in our favor; I mean we had a 66% chance of being friends about 30 seconds ago. Oh look, here comes two of your friends who were getting beer while you guarded this primo-concert-experiencing territory. Oh, and they are both slightly taller than you. And they are all exponentially taller than me. Hey look! It’s like Biological Reagonomics! And you guys are now going to stand in front of me forming The Great Wall of Concert Compromising Douche-Nozzles.
It’s cool. I’ll just stand here and stare at the back of your shirt for the next couple of hours. And I’ll probably accidentally jump onto the back of your calf muscles a few times during the concert. It will be totally by accident. Oh, excellent. You’re going to stand here with your iPhone in the air during the entire concert. That’s cool. I’ll just watch it from the palm of your hand. Maybe I can get your Facebook or your YouTube user name before you leave. Then I can experience the show with my other senses too. That will be excellent since all I will remember seeing from this particular show is that the sweat-stain on your lower back kind of looked like a shark. And since my musical memories are connected to my olfactory system, anytime I hear this song I will automatically associate it with the time that I stared at your back for a few hours while this visually stimulating band who is considered one of the top 50 concerts to see before dying performed directly in front of your face. Since that’s the case, could you at least wear a t-shirt with some Spanish verb conjugations on it next time so I can do some learning while I’m stuck back here? Appreciate it! I really struggle with past-perfect, especially with irregular -ir verbs, so maybe you could keep that in mind and plan accordingly.
Sincerely,
I Reached my Full Adult Height at the Age of 9 and I Really Enjoy Live Music. BummerTown.
Please do me a favor. (Who am I you might ask? I am a stranger, but I typically get along with most people that I meet. So there’s probably a 66% chance (at least) that if we knew each other, we would have mutual respect and benevolent feelings towards one another. So go ahead and do this favor for me. Consider it a down-payment on our friendship).
Turn around and look down. Is there anyone standing immediately behind you that is at least 8-12 inches shorter than you are? If the answer to this question is yes, please be willing to admit to yourself that you are severely hampering this person’s ability to enjoy the concert that is happening a few feet in front of your face. You know, your face that sits squarely on your shoulders a good six feet above the ground? It would be oh-so-kind of you to ask this smaller statured person, and his/her smaller statured friends if they would like to stand in front of you since they literally cannot see anything over your awkwardly tall frame.
(this was my illuminating view from the last concert I went to. The Flaming Lips (known for their visually stimulating performances) at the Raleigh Hopscotch Music Festival)
I know my tall-friend (TBD based on the decisions you make in the near future), you paid for a ticket just like anybody else. I know sir or ma’am with the higher center of gravity that we live in a free country and you can stand wherever you want. But I paid for a ticket too, and I literally can’t see anything but the back of your strategically weathered and obnoxiously clever shirt that you either spent 25 cents or 250 dollars for. And I also cannot hear the band over your cologne.
I’m sorry what? Did you just tell me this band was going to be doing a special performance in The Shire next week and that I should just wait to see it with the rest of the hobbits? I’m pretty sure that’s what you said, but again, I can’t be sure because your cologne is very loud. I wouldn't imagine you'd say that because after all, the odds are in our favor; I mean we had a 66% chance of being friends about 30 seconds ago. Oh look, here comes two of your friends who were getting beer while you guarded this primo-concert-experiencing territory. Oh, and they are both slightly taller than you. And they are all exponentially taller than me. Hey look! It’s like Biological Reagonomics! And you guys are now going to stand in front of me forming The Great Wall of Concert Compromising Douche-Nozzles.
It’s cool. I’ll just stand here and stare at the back of your shirt for the next couple of hours. And I’ll probably accidentally jump onto the back of your calf muscles a few times during the concert. It will be totally by accident. Oh, excellent. You’re going to stand here with your iPhone in the air during the entire concert. That’s cool. I’ll just watch it from the palm of your hand. Maybe I can get your Facebook or your YouTube user name before you leave. Then I can experience the show with my other senses too. That will be excellent since all I will remember seeing from this particular show is that the sweat-stain on your lower back kind of looked like a shark. And since my musical memories are connected to my olfactory system, anytime I hear this song I will automatically associate it with the time that I stared at your back for a few hours while this visually stimulating band who is considered one of the top 50 concerts to see before dying performed directly in front of your face. Since that’s the case, could you at least wear a t-shirt with some Spanish verb conjugations on it next time so I can do some learning while I’m stuck back here? Appreciate it! I really struggle with past-perfect, especially with irregular -ir verbs, so maybe you could keep that in mind and plan accordingly.
Sincerely,
I Reached my Full Adult Height at the Age of 9 and I Really Enjoy Live Music. BummerTown.
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