It’s way past my bedtime on a school night and I’m going to feel like crap tomorrow, but I can’t help it.
Because this is the truest thing I’ve seen in a while. And because this is exactly what happened to me today.
Except it wasn't Battlestar Gallactica; it was Downton Abbey. It's a PBS series about these rich British people from the early 1900s that don't really exist and their servants that also don't really exist (yet I found myself more invested in them today than people in my own life who do really exist). I started watching it this morning while I typed up some vocabulary lists and quizzes. It was busywork so I could multi-task. After I finished up my work, I decided I would watch one more episode while I ate lunch...and then I would get serious about my grad school homework. So, I tried working on my homework while I watched it...I mean, some of the scenes were in London and Chaucer lived in London during the 1300s. It was pretty impossible for me to read Middle English while listening to these characters discuss the approaching war with Germany...and waiting for them to start making out despite their early 20th century Victorian restraint. I started a system where I would watch an episode, read 5 pages, watch an episode, read 5 pages. Both of these activities took about an hour and a half (because the show is British and British people have a longer attention span), but you can imagine which activity I enjoyed more. I took a break for dinner while I watched some of the special features (which didn't help my addiction because then it just made me feel like I wanted to be friends with the actors that played these fictional characters and then I was even more invested because I wanted to support my new friends in their artistic endeavors).
Before I knew it, it was 9:30 pm, and I still had not put on a pair of pants that involved buttons, my teeth were unbrushed (does eating a grapefruit count?), and I suddenly realized that I was about 2 seconds away from peeing all over myself.
I was almost ready to admit that I had a problem. But I didn't have to because it was the last episode of the season.
I was going to allow myself about 10 minutes to move around on the internet because I had to know what was going to happen in season two, even if it involved spoilers. I wouldn't be able to sleep until I knew that all these fictional characters and their fictional lives were going to be squared away. I had to find out if the jackass who treated everyone like crap would be humanized in the trenches of WWI, or if the girl who wrote the letter to the Turkish embassy about her sister's one-night-stand with a diplomat who died mid-coitous would be discovered. (These are real storylines people...one of the characters dies on the Titanic during the first episode!) Sadly though I didn't just find spoilers...I found out that PBS streams the entire 2nd season on their website...
So I watched the first episode which was almost 2 hours long before I finally stopped myself. Which really sucks because the preview for episode 2 was really enticing. But I have to wake up in 5 hours. And also, these people aren't real. But the 90 students that I have to teach tomorrow are, and I should probably not be operating on negative hours of sleep when I teach them about the English language.
All of this to say that I think I'm ready to admit I have a problem. I do not have the self control to watch TV on DVD. It allows the type of instant gratification that I can't seem to get past some times. TV on DVD ironically makes trying to be at the TV at a certain time each week or day incredibly silly. Why would I miss out on my life to get home to watch a TV show that isn't even real? So instead I'll just waste multiple days of my life enjoying a self-inflicted 12+ hour marathon? Probably not the most logical argument...I guess it would be if I had an ounce of self-control.
My lack of self control is the same reason why I could never be a recreational drug user, or shop at Cosco. I also don't have the dental insurance, the salary, or the metabolism to do any of these things. If you don't believe me, just ask the popcicles that I bought at the store on Friday. Oh wait, you can't. Because I ate them all.
And I've just had to tell myself 3 times not to watch episode two before I got to sleep. My best line of defense would be shutting my computer down; it takes about 10 minutes for it to get fired back up and I know I'll totally be asleep by then. Bless your little heart (semi-)obsolete technology.
Because this is the truest thing I’ve seen in a while. And because this is exactly what happened to me today.
Except it wasn't Battlestar Gallactica; it was Downton Abbey. It's a PBS series about these rich British people from the early 1900s that don't really exist and their servants that also don't really exist (yet I found myself more invested in them today than people in my own life who do really exist). I started watching it this morning while I typed up some vocabulary lists and quizzes. It was busywork so I could multi-task. After I finished up my work, I decided I would watch one more episode while I ate lunch...and then I would get serious about my grad school homework. So, I tried working on my homework while I watched it...I mean, some of the scenes were in London and Chaucer lived in London during the 1300s. It was pretty impossible for me to read Middle English while listening to these characters discuss the approaching war with Germany...and waiting for them to start making out despite their early 20th century Victorian restraint. I started a system where I would watch an episode, read 5 pages, watch an episode, read 5 pages. Both of these activities took about an hour and a half (because the show is British and British people have a longer attention span), but you can imagine which activity I enjoyed more. I took a break for dinner while I watched some of the special features (which didn't help my addiction because then it just made me feel like I wanted to be friends with the actors that played these fictional characters and then I was even more invested because I wanted to support my new friends in their artistic endeavors).
Before I knew it, it was 9:30 pm, and I still had not put on a pair of pants that involved buttons, my teeth were unbrushed (does eating a grapefruit count?), and I suddenly realized that I was about 2 seconds away from peeing all over myself.
I was almost ready to admit that I had a problem. But I didn't have to because it was the last episode of the season.
I was going to allow myself about 10 minutes to move around on the internet because I had to know what was going to happen in season two, even if it involved spoilers. I wouldn't be able to sleep until I knew that all these fictional characters and their fictional lives were going to be squared away. I had to find out if the jackass who treated everyone like crap would be humanized in the trenches of WWI, or if the girl who wrote the letter to the Turkish embassy about her sister's one-night-stand with a diplomat who died mid-coitous would be discovered. (These are real storylines people...one of the characters dies on the Titanic during the first episode!) Sadly though I didn't just find spoilers...I found out that PBS streams the entire 2nd season on their website...
So I watched the first episode which was almost 2 hours long before I finally stopped myself. Which really sucks because the preview for episode 2 was really enticing. But I have to wake up in 5 hours. And also, these people aren't real. But the 90 students that I have to teach tomorrow are, and I should probably not be operating on negative hours of sleep when I teach them about the English language.
All of this to say that I think I'm ready to admit I have a problem. I do not have the self control to watch TV on DVD. It allows the type of instant gratification that I can't seem to get past some times. TV on DVD ironically makes trying to be at the TV at a certain time each week or day incredibly silly. Why would I miss out on my life to get home to watch a TV show that isn't even real? So instead I'll just waste multiple days of my life enjoying a self-inflicted 12+ hour marathon? Probably not the most logical argument...I guess it would be if I had an ounce of self-control.
My lack of self control is the same reason why I could never be a recreational drug user, or shop at Cosco. I also don't have the dental insurance, the salary, or the metabolism to do any of these things. If you don't believe me, just ask the popcicles that I bought at the store on Friday. Oh wait, you can't. Because I ate them all.
And I've just had to tell myself 3 times not to watch episode two before I got to sleep. My best line of defense would be shutting my computer down; it takes about 10 minutes for it to get fired back up and I know I'll totally be asleep by then. Bless your little heart (semi-)obsolete technology.
watching that portlandia clip made me very uncomfortable for some reason
ReplyDeleteHi Amy,
ReplyDeleteI'm a reporter for the New York Times, writing a story about living alone. It's a light story, basically about the quirks people develop after living alone for a while. I saw your great, funny post about the "desocializing" aspects and was hoping to interview you. My email address is: steven.kurutz@nytimes.com.