The Double Standards of Allergy Season

Recently I’ve developed this really persistent and abrasive cough. I’m not entirely sure where it came from, but my most educated guess is that it came from cleaning out 4 years of stuff from my classroom. The Donny Darko sized dust bunnies managed their way into my lungs and now I sound like Joan Rivers’ great-grandmother. The problem with coughing though is that it’s not at all socially acceptable. Even though I've managed to embarrass myself with a powerful sneeze, typically people don't seem to mind if you sneeze... especially strangers. Since most people have very distinct sneezes, strangers don’t know what to expect. They don’t find sneezes to be incredibly obnoxious…even if they are in fact obnoxious because of the uniqueness and novelty of the sound. But most people sound relatively the same when they are coughing which I think leads to an overall intolerance of coughing in our society.




If you don’t believe me, think about what you say to someone who is sneezing. Most of the time (unless you are an animal), you say something like “bless you” or “God bless you.” Even if you just barely mutter it out of a feeling of obligation combined with a fear of appearing over-zealous, you still acknowledge the sneeze with a pleasant saying. But as a society, we don’t have a saying that is appropriate or widely accepted to use when a person around you coughs. I’ve heard some people say “excuse you” which no matter what tone is used, it automatically and always sounds rude. If someone said “excuse you” to me while I was coughing, I would want to cough more just to be a nuisance.  Commercials for cough drops and cough medicines even manipulate our self-consciousness towards coughing. Some guy will be in the audience of their daughter’s middle school drama club’s rendition of Romeo and Juliet and he is totally ruining the show by coughing his brains out through the entire 3rd Act. His wife practically shoves a cough drop down his throat and everyone else sitting in the audience looks like they want to give her a Nobel Peace Prize for shutting up the maniac who wouldn’t quit coughing.



So after my recent experience with coughing, I think it’s time that we develop a socially accepted form of “bless you” for the cough. People who are coughing know that everyone around them hates them for being disruptive. People who are coughing can tell that you are wondering whether or not tuberculosis is still a thing, or you’re trying to remember which strand of hepatitis you were given a booster shot for in the 7th grade. Instead, we should offer our coughing brethren (because really, who doesn’t cough?) some verbal affirmation...and some hand sanditizer.  We should encourage them and accept them. Maybe something like “Work it out,” “Get you some,” or “You’re probably a good person!” Or maybe even a good, hearty “howdy partner!” would do the trick.  Maybe if we positively and verbally affirmed these coughers, we could help improve their mood which could boost their immune system which would in turn shorten the duration of their cough.



Or maybe I’m just so jacked up on antihistamines, pseudoephedrine, chloraseptic spray, Vick’s Vapo-Rub, and Robitussin (it tastes so good when it hits your lips) that this seemed like a blog-worthy thought.