Team Duckie...For Now...

I just re-watched one of my all-time favorite movies in the universe, Pretty in Pink. If you haven’t seen this movie or if you have seen this movie and you don’t like it, there is a 94% chance that you have not (nor will you ever) menstruate. It is also very likely that you will accidentally confuse this film’s deep and innovative plot line with other John Hughes/Molly Ringwald classics like The Breakfast Club and Sixteen Candles (especially Sixteen Candles…actually, the plot line is almost identical to Sixteen Candles now that I think about it…and The Breakfast Club…wow).

Pretty in Pink is basically about this girl named Andie who is beautiful but in a unique way and she makes a lot of her own clothes and she’s awesome. She works in this hip record store, listens to the coolest music, and talks like an adult. But she’s from the wrong side of the tracks and her single father can hardly make ends meet. So of course Andie falls in love with Blaine who obviously drives a BMW, dresses like a lost cast member of Miami Vice, and lives in a humongous house with snooty parents. Blaine notices Andie, Andie notices Blaine, and then BOOM they are in love. This is really difficult for Steff, Blaine’s Miami Vice side-kick with the most pretentious name ever (played by the incomparable James Spader) who tells Blaine that Andie is gross and poor, but all the while Steff is actually intrigued by her. And Andie’s best friend Duckie hates that she is hanging out with Blaine because A.) Duckie is madly in love with Andie and B.) he thinks Blaine is a rich prick (and he’s kind of right). So classic story. Blaine gives into rich boy pressures and stands Andie up for the prom, and a studlier, less dorky Duckie meets her there, saving the day. But when Blaine sees Andie in her beautiful (even though I’ve always thought it was hideous) homemade prom dress, he apologizes to her and leaves. So Duckie tells Andie to go after him (because Duckie is a saint) and she makes out with Blaine in the high school parking lot next to his BMW, camera pans out, she drops her purse, (and it will probably not occur to Blaine to pick it up for her). Roll end credits and highly synthesized 80s song.

Watching a movie that you’ve seen a million times but that you haven’t seen in years is one of the quickest ways to show you just how much your perspective has changed. I think the last time I watched Pretty in Pink I was a junior in college, and clearly I’ve changed a lot in the last five years because I used to totally get the Blaine appeal. I would swoon when he walks up to Andie at the prom and says “I believe in you. I just didn’t believe in me. I love you…always,” and then he kisses her on her cheek before heading out into the parking lot. But as I was watching it tonight, instead of swooning, I found myself wanting to yell, “Don’t buy it Andie! There has been like 32,235,239 flags to tell you that this guy is trouble! Stay at the prom and dance with Duckie. Duckie loves you more!” Because Duckie does love her more! Duckie worships Andie. He loves her smile, her laugh, her personality, the way that she dresses. He’s loyal (and okay, yes, maybe a little stalkerish) but warm and kind. He’s not afraid to tell Andie how he feels, he’s there for her through the good and the bad, and he hangs on to her every word and he compliments her! Instead of saying “Can I see you later?” he asks her “Can I admire you later?” and he actually tells her that her God-awful abomination of a dress is “stunning.” (not stunning dress...more proof of Duckie's love)

Blaine, on the other hand, doesn’t know the first thing about Andie and never actually pays her a compliment. Wait, he does tell her that he likes her, right after he asks her if she’s going to change clothes before they go on their date. (Ouch). They have next to nothing in common so they can’t talk about books or music or movies, and so mostly they just make out when they’re together. Andie doesn’t even want Blaine to see where she lives because she’s so embarrassed. And above all else, he stands her up for the prom. Amongst teenage boy offenses, this is not exactly a misdemeanor. So when Blaine realizes that Andie is an amazing person and he makes some pathetic apology that comes too late, what does our fearless heroine do? She chases after him leaving Duckie, the guy that kisses the ground that she walks on and who daydreams about braiding her hair while she falls asleep, standing in the wake of her perfume and Bonne Belle Lipsmackers. What an idiot.

But then I realized that we’re all, at some point in our lives, idiots. Who hasn’t found themselves bored with a Duckie and intrigued by the allure of a Blaine?

With Duckie, what you see is what you get. You know exactly where you stand with him. He’ll never stand you up, cheat on you, not call when he says he will, leave texts messages or e-mails unanswered. He’s interested in what you have to say; even more so, he loves the way your mind works and he tells you that. He wants you to meet his friends and family so he can show you off, and he’ll call just to hear about your day. He’s interested in your hobbies, supports you in your goals, and wants to cheer you up when you are down. He’ll tell you that he likes your dress.

Blaine is indifferent, cold, shifty-eyed (really, Andrew McCarthy is incredibly shifty-eyed in this movie, like Kristen Stewart shifty-eyed). He’s inconsiderate and uncommunicative. He calls you when it’s convenient for him and he leads you on. He takes you to parties where he knows you won’t fit in, and then he doesn’t stick up for you when people make snarky comments about your pearls. He’s not interested in your goals or your future plans, and he asks you out for the first time on the computer of all places. He knows from the beginning that he’s not going to take you to the prom, but he invites you anyway. He has really bad taste in music and even though he knows that you make most of your outfits, he never compliments them. (These are all very specific to the movie, but you get the idea).

So what is it about the safety, security, and devotion of Duckie that makes us want Blaine? What is it about knowing where we stand that makes us long for the gray area, for the unknown? What is it about men that treat women with indifference (such a cruel emotion) that makes them so intriguing and attractive? Is it boredom? Duckie seems so safe and routine, and it seems like we're taught to avoid routine because it's too much like throwing in the towel and accepting defeat. And the novelty of Duckie wears off like the novelty of these really cold winters in the south. We long for something more stimulating and exciting because we find ourselves with cabin fever. Maybe the excitement, the anticipation, the thrill of the chase with a Blaine wins us over. But UGH! That’s just so base and cliché. Especially considering that after we spend some time with a Blaine, we crave that assurance and stability of a Duckie again.

Moral of the story: John Hughes has been a huge part of my character development and understanding of romantic relationships and interactions…and I think this is a big, big problem.